Being harassed: How to ‘politely’ say NO

Travelling as a woman alone can mean having to endure a certain amount of pestering by local men. In some countries it might be unusual for a woman to be walking alone or even to ‘talk back’ or raise her voice to a man. Not knowing the local customs could lead you into awkward situations and it can be quite daunting when you are on your own. There are a few things I have learnt over the years of dealing with annoying harassment and how to get yourself out of these situations.

A lesson learnt…

A few years go I was travelling with one of my girlfriends to Marrakech. We got scammed here there and everywhere and I was getting so frustrated with it all. So when the cab driver asked for ’50 dirham’ when we had clearly agreed on ’15 dirham’, I felt so mad. I told him I would only pay the 15 and got out of the car. He got quite angry and started to follow us. Luckily it didn’t lead to anything and we took refuge in the nearby plaza until he went away.

Looking back, I guess I was feeling more confident because I had my friend with me, but I think the best thing to have done in that situation was to hand over the 50. If I was on my own I’m pretty sure I would have just given him the money to ensure that at least I was safe. This was a lesson to me to not get so complacent. He didn’t like the way I was firm in my voice and stood up for myself, in a country where a woman may not normally do such a thing. I could have handled the situation better but it was a lesson learnt for next time. On another note, if you are too nice it can lead to just as many problems.

Be nice but not too nice…

If you are getting unwanted attention but are afraid to appear rude, so in turn smile and chat back, etc, then it might seem encouraging and then it will be hard to get rid of them. If you are getting followed and their asking question after question in which you smile and get into a conversation, it may imply (to them) that you are interested. Then when you say no to them they may get confused and annoyed. Sometimes it feels like we just can’t win!

So how do you deal with these situations then?

Well, back when I was in Tanzania, volunteering at an orphanage, I was walking back to my accommodation alone along the local street. A man starting walking with me, asking me questions, etc. In the same town just a few days earlier I had the same situation. I told the guy very firmly that I wanted to be alone and for him to go, to which his voice got more aggressive before he walked off, irritated.

So, same situation, different day. This time I smiled but was still firm and sure of myself. He asked for my number, I said “sorry I have a boyfriend” (a lie). He asked me where I was going and if I needed company, I said (with a polite smile) “No thanks, I’m going home, its not far”. He called me “beautiful baby”, I gave no eye contact and carried on walking confidently. He said he would walk with me, I stated once again that I was fine and that I’m nearly home, walking quickly but not too fast.

I think it worked being friendly but firm, keeping my answers short and not encouraging more questions or looking too interested in further conversion, rather than being ‘stand off ish’ or rude. After I carried on walking and not really engaging until he eventually gave up and turned around.

Keep your cool…

Being firm but polite is a great way to avoid further confrontation. It can be hard when your being harassed, you just want to shout at the person to go away but in practice that might not be the best choice. Being rude or raising your voice may only make the situation worse. Remember to keep your cool, smile when appropriate, avoid eye contact and not to invite too many questions by giving short answers.

Do remember that usually it’s harmless curiosity and only on a very rare few occasions have I myself felt a bit uncomfortable. Being a woman alone can be tough and these situations can get annoying but once learning how to deal with them it gets easier and is really just a part of solo female travel.

Be confident and sensible

Confidence is a big factor, even if you have to fake it. Looking nervous or running away from them will make you look more vulnerable so just keep being polite but make it clear that you’re not interested. After a while they will give up and you can carry on. Sticking to main streets and walking around in daylight is a good idea too. Being prepared for these situations will allow you to feel confident and in control.

Find a buddy…

Making Friends: You Don’t Always Have to Travel Solo

If you are feeling nervous about walking around alone then finding someone from the hostel to go with you is a great idea. It’s likely there will be someone else who is also feeling the same way. Another option is a ‘travel buddy’ website where you can find people online who are also travelling to the same place. When I visited Peru I was worried about being alone so after talking to a French girl online, we agreed to meet (in a public place) and travelled together for a week before departing ways. I felt confident enough after that to tackle the rest of the country alone.

Travelling solo is a wonderful thing and even though you may get some harassment, it’s usually pretty harmless. My experiences described above were over a period of 10 years and I’ve always felt quite safe in the countries I’ve travelled to. I find that dealing with these situations alone can actually be quite empowering, leaving you feeling strong, confident and brave enough for the next challenge.

In a Nutshell…

• Walk with confidence
• Be firm but polite
• Try not to get angry/rude (even if you feel like it)
• Avoid too much eye contact
• Keep your answers short to avoid getting into a conversation
• Make a friends in the host to travel with
• Stick to main streets
• Try not to walk around after dark or too late
• Fake it til you make it!

Any questions on this subject send me a message or type a quick comment below 🙂 Maybe you have some handy tips I’ve missed?!

More on travelling solo: 5 Adventurous Countries Solo Female Travel